It might be hard to believe, but there are people in this world who don’t like me. If you’re sitting there nodding at the screen thinking, “Don’t I know it,” let me stop you right there by pointing out that there are people who don’t like you, either.
Thankfully, we also manage to find people who do like us. This is how the world works. You meet people and form networks based on mutual interests, passions, backgrounds, and more. Sometimes you’ll meet people whose personalities are so contrary to yours that you know you’ll never click. Sometimes you’ll meet people who make you feel like you’ve known them a lifetime. As long as you’re being yourself, you’ll end up building rewarding relationships and networks. And this is as true online as it is offline.
At least, that’s how I see it.
This is something I grappled with when writing my article about Facebook in this month’s Docket, a publication of the Denver Bar Association. The article was not about ethics or marketing. It was very simply about the etiquette of using Facebook as an individual. And when it comes to using social networking as an individual, I think the “rules for use” are unique to the user.
Sure, I have pet peeves on Facebook (FarmVille, anyone?) but my pet peeves might be another person’s reason for logging on (and based on the excessive FarmVille usage I’m seeing among some friends, I have to think this is true). Likewise, I’m sure I have friends who don’t embrace my use of Facebook.
But you can’t please everyone. You can only be yourself. So if you’re quiet and private, it’s OK to be quiet and private on Facebook. If you’re brazen, be brazen. If you’re vocal about social causes, be vocal about social causes. Facebook, and other social networking, might have revolutionized the way we communicate, but it hasn’t changed the most powerful way we connect with others: by being ourselves.
So I included this outlook on Facebook in my article, along with a link to a variety of other articles on how to use, or not use, Facebook. Take them or leave them.
But what I’d really love to know is how you approach Facebook. I don’t care if you’ve been poking people since 2006 or you’re new enough to Facebook that you don’t even know what poking is (and, really–who does?). I’d love to hear from you here.
And if you’re on Facebook, make sure you join some of the great Colorado legal communities:
Colorado Women’s Bar Association
Who am I missing? Leave a link to your Facebook community in the comments and I’ll add you.
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
I agree that Facebook is more or less an extension of our offline personalities and I like the “cocktail party” analogy from the “I don’t care that you just took a shower” post. When meeting a new group of people in real life, I tend to hang back at first, make observations, and get a sense of the vibe before opening my mouth. I’ve noticed that I’ve been doing that with Facebook recently, too. As I have more co-workers and networking contacts (not to mention relatives) adding me as Facebook friends, I’ve been more “quiet” lately, trying to figure out how and when to use my FB voice. I’ve realized that I tend to take the prompt “What’s on your mind” quite literally. When I’m thinking about something that I feel like sharing, I share it. Usually, it’s something trivial. I don’t post an update for everything that pops into my mind, or even everything that I spend long periods of time thinking abut. My status updates do not come close to providing a full picture of who I am, but I am definitely being myself. If anyone is going to lower their opinion of me because I post that I like eating popcorn for dinner, then we probably wouldn’t get along offline anyway.
I learned in a communications class in college that when you are talking to a new person for the first time, you subconsciously are searching for some kind of commonality. It seems like sharing trivial aspects of the day-to-day online can unearth additional commonalities and help bolster connections offline. I know I’ve started more than a few offline conversations with, “I saw your Facebook update that you got a new bike / are planning a trip to Hawaii / don’t like your iPhone…how’s that going?”
@Emma – I love using online connections to help combat any tendency to be shy. It is so much easier to strike up a conversation with someone when you can start off talking about that person and his/her interests (like a trip to Hawaii, as you suggested). And I agree–you can be yourself without updating about every single thing you might be thinking.
I also approach Facebook as an extension of my offline self. However, I’ve been having an inverse experience from Emma’s in that I’ve been coming out of my shell offline, which has translated into similar behavior online: I’ve gone from posting status updates and articles once a week or less to posting several times a day. I like the idea of online social networking because it feels like my whole community is right there at my fingertips, easily accessed and utilized. As I grow into Colorado’s legal community, I find myself wanting to grow into and play a larger part in my online community. I try to keep posts socially appropriate and unoffensive, but I’ve never been very good at creating a public persona, so I definitely feel like what I put out there online is pretty much commensurate with what I put out into the world offline. I find social networking more enjoyable under this approach, and I think that’s why I’ve taken more to Facebook than more professional-oriented sites like Linkedin.
I think you have to be yourself on Facebook. If I was “friends” with someone on Facebook first and then met them in real life and they were nothing like they were on Facebook, I would feel deceived. However, I made the choice a while ago to make my Facebook page public – and with that I also knew some people may not like me because of it or may choose not to hire me because of it. But, if someone would choose not hire me, I think would I really want to be their attorney anyway?
Good point. We can’t be all things to all people.
After law school, my grandmother gave me Alan Dershowitz’ Letters to a Young Lawyer. In it, he says something about how if you go through life and you don’t offend anyone or make anyone mad, you’re probably not making any kind of impact. He says it with far more eloquence, of course, and the general idea–if not the precise language–stuck with me.